Don’t you just love Christmas? Chocolate can be eaten in copious amounts with no judgment, in fact I judge you if you don’t eat at least one whole box of chocolates yourself and alcohol can be consumed freely, just so you can properly get in the ‘spirit’ of things. But, what would Christmas be without Santa? So yes, he may break into our houses every year and eat all our mince pies and drink our brandy and okay, he is a bit judgmental, deciding who has been naughty and who has been nice; but it just wouldn’t be the same without him. So, hear our pleas Santa, we have written these letters just for you to let you know how very good we have been this year… 

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Letters to Santa from your favorite authors, characters and readers

Dear Saint Nicholas,

As you may be aware, I’m in a spot of bother. To be honest, I’ve not written to you in years because my pompous arse of a father, the Earl of Pembroke, attempted to convince me you aren’t real. But here I am, a grown man of twenty-five, writing because I need your help.

I’m sure you’ve been preparing a stocking full of coal for all the things I’ve done in the last few years—the women I’ve slept with, the hearts I’ve broken—but now I’m begging you for mercy this Christmas season.

Mum is getting married to an American banker who just moved to London, and he has the most exquisite daughter, Kat. My dilemma—please don’t laugh; I think you’re too jolly and sweet to laugh at a poor soul like me—is that I need help winning the heart of my future stepsister. She’s a darling creature, brilliant and beautiful. I’ve always been able to get exactly what I want, but this is different. Kat is different.

So Saint Nick, how about helping a man out? I’d like my lovely stepsister in my bed, naked, for Christmas.

Sincerely,

Tristan Kingsley, Future Earl of Pembroke

Dear Santa,

I’m concerned. Has there been an issue with your mail system for the past couple of years? It seems that my previous letters to you have gotten lost or eaten by elves because surely you would’ve sent David Gandy to my doorstep by now, right? I’ve been extra good and I definitely feel it’s due time that I could finally call myself Gandy’s wifey.

I’ll even save you the extra trouble; just bring him to me. No need for him to pack anything like clothes or whatnot. He won’t be needing them anyways. So when I get home tonight I expect this:

Love,

Annie from UTC

Dear Santa,

I figure I’ve done a few things to put me on the naughty list, but I’ve got a strong case for being on the good list too. Let’s call it even.

No worries about the little stuff, I like to get those things for myself eventually. When it comes to my wishlist to you, I’m going for the big ticket items that aren’t easily accomplished or bought.

1. World Peace! (just kidding. This one is tough and requires long term commitment – one Christmas Eve would be a tight timeline.)

No really… this is my actual list:

1. More good quality Thai dramas. I loved Cubic and want more of similar or better quality.
2. More Firefly. Too late? Maybe. But I still love the show and movie.
3. Another 12 hours in the day…or a Tardis.
4. More shows like Agent Carter, Jessica Jones, and Supergirl, please.
5. An awesome steampunk tv series to follow.

It’s been a crazy year and next year is going to be even more intense. Any one of these things would be incredible.

Happy Holidays, Santa. And take care!

Piper J. Drake

Dear Santa,

I think I may have been too specific last year, so I wanted to be open minded and give you more options this year. Any of the below will do.

Merry Christmas & safe travels to you and the reindeer,
Angie

P.S. Thanks for the twin Cabbage Patch Kids when I was ten. It was my best. Christmas. Ever!

Angie from Badass Book Reviews

Christmas, 2015

Dear Santa,

It’s been awhile.

In fact, Luke Skywalker had just returned to his home planet of Tatooine to rescue Han Solo. The A-Team had also just hit the streets, though at the time, I was not allowed to watch a show about grown men driving around in a dark panel van. Just like I was not allowed to watch the cast of the Outsiders sharpen their knives and quote Robert Frost, even though I had already read the book. In hindsight, it was probably just as well, because I appreciated that Outsiders cast a whole lot more years later, and it had nothing to do with Robert Frost’s poetry.

But I digress.

I do hope you received my thank you for the Thriller album you left me that long-ago Christmas. You’ll be happy to know that I still have it, and it has become something akin to a white-gloved, crotch-grabbing, moon-walking, vinyl Snuffleupagus that my own kids trot out now to amaze their friends. It has truly been a gift that has just kept on giving.

Which brings me to this year’s letter.

I know as a responsible grown-up I should be asking for meaningful things that will make the world a better place. But I’d hate to put that sort of unreasonable pressure on myself you. Really, it’s all about managing expectations (pretty sure that phrase was on the back of a parenting book I probably should have read). So while my kids are outside in the driveway cheerfully taking slap shots at each other, I’ll take this time to jot down just a few simple Christmas wishes. And while my wishes might not make the world a better place, they’ll most certainly make my world a better place.

First up: you’re undoubtedly aware that I was born way too far away from the equator. Polar vortex should be the name of a drink, not something that one must endure for months at a time, year after year. As such, a small tropical island in the Caribbean would be appreciated.

Which brings me to my second request. If I am going to be on an island sipping Polar Vortexes (which, BTW, will consist of ice, lots of Grey Goose, and enough fruit juice to justify using a glass and not just drinking straight from the bottle), then I will need a cabana boy. Ian Somerhalder will do nicely. Or, alternatively, Stephen Amell. Actually, now that I think about it, Stephen is a fellow Canadian, and I suspect he’d be best at mixing my Polar Vortexes.

But don’t you worry, Santa. I will find other things for Ian to do.

My last request and the hardest, I know: an inexhaustible supply of books and the time to read them. I was going to ask for a unicorn, which, of course, would have been easier to procure, but where’s the challenge in that? Unreasonable pressure aside, I’d like to think I’m helping you stay at the top of your game. And I have faith in you, Santa. I have faith.

Please give my regards to Mrs. Claus and all the serfs elves. And as always, may the force be with you.

Yours truly,

Kelly

Dear Santa,

You know I write to you every year and quite frankly I’m getting a bit cranky that everything I ask for just doesn’t seem to show up under my tree.

And I specifically remember asking for my UTC girlies to get everything they wanted, and I know Annie is still waiting for David Gandy to be delivered at her door.

So I don’t know how much faith I can put in you and what you can get done.  So I’ll try to keep this easy for you this year.

1 – I want to know everything that is going on with my favorite brothers by just being able to merge my brain with J.R. Ward’s.  The woman just can’t write fast enough to feed my addiction and I need a direct line.  Hook me up, will ya?

2 – 2016 needs to be a better year!  There were just not as many awesomesauce books that stand out and you need to make sure that changes in 2016.

3 – Please make Viv (Nicholas from PAINTED FACES by L.H. Cosway) come to life.  Yeah, I know, I know.  He’s just my book boyfriend and I do take very good care of him in my book boyfriend dungeon but… I need him to be made of flesh and blood.

4 – And here’s a super easy one for you so you don’t let me down again.  Let’s make that UTC meet up happen in 2016, yeah?  All the girls together, maybe sipping some margaritas on a beach with a manservant waiter to keep us well fed and hydrated.

Sadly, this is your last shot oh big bearded one.  If you don’t come through for me I don’t think we can stay penpals anymore.

Peace,

Francesca from UTC

Dear Santa,

I’m going to keep this short since I know you’re kind of busy this time of year. There are only a few things I want this year, and since you’re supposed to be magical and immortal (unless that whole Santa Clause movie thing is true) then I think you’re the guy who can make my wish… or wishes come true.

So here goes.

1. I’d really, really love if you could make chocolate calorie free. And if you really think about it, this is a gift to all mankind, because chocolate makes women happy. Happy women equal happy men. Do you see what I just did there? World peace. Boom.

Moving on…

2. Could you possibly freeze time for a year or two? Odd request, right? But, you see… my kids are growing up far too fast and I can’t handle it. My eleven year old? She’s a tween now, and there is all sorts of womanly stuff sprouting up all over her body. Wasn’t she just crawling yesterday? So yes, a good time out would do nicely. Thanks.

3. I love pajamas. Would it be possible to make it socially acceptable to wear them in public? To the store… parties, even parent/teacher conferences? It would make my life so much easier…. and comfortable.

Thanks Santa, you’re the best. I’ll be sure to leave you spiked coffee and the good cookies this year.

With love,

J.L. Berg

Dear Santa,

It’s been a really, really great year for me so I almost feel guilty writing you a letter to tell you what I want. I mean, I have fantastic publishers who make my books beautiful, I have fantastic readers who clamor for more. I took home some serious bling in the form of some very snazzy awards this year, too. I’m blessed and I’m having a blast.

But there’s a lot of trouble in this world, Santa. A lot of folks are suffering and in pain, from natural disasters, from war, from people hurting each other. Could you bring them some happiness? I do what I can: readers tell me my books are a great escape from the troubles of the world. But I can’t do it alone and you’re the original expert on spreading good cheer. I know it’s a cliche, Santa, but Peace on Earth is what I actually want for Christmas.

And for my cat to stop peeing on the floor. Something tells me the peace thing might be easier.

Love,

Cecilia Tan

Read more:

• More Dear Santa letters from authors
• Holiday romance book recommendations

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SIGNED copy of NOWHERE BUT HERE by Katie McGarry
SIGNED copy of ROUGH JUSTICE by Sarah Castille
SIGNED copy of NO ORDINARY BILLIONAIRE by J.S. Scott
THE MUSE by Anne Calhoun
THE TRUTH ABOUT HIM by M. O’Keefe
NOTORIOUS PLEASURES by Elizabeth Hoyt
VIPERS RULE by Stephanie Tyler
FORGED IN FIRE by Trish McCallan
FORGED IN ASH by Trish McCallan

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