Dear Santa 2018: Letters from authors, characters and readers – Part 1

Warm up the mince pies and get out the cherry brandy, we are soon to be visited by our favourite jolly man in red. Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Papai Noel, Babbo Natale, Swiety Mikolaj…however, you say it we all all rubbing our hands in anticipation. Or atleast…some of us are, those of us who have been good, if you’ve been naughty you might be left with nothing but a lump of coal. So, us ladies at UTC and some of our favourite authors have written our letters to the big man, you know to put in a few requests and maybe explain a few things…Enjoy!

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Dear Santa,

Can you please bring me a manservant for Christmas this year? I have a husband, but inconveniently, he is professionally ambitious and employed full time outside the house. When I thought about what I wanted this year, the word “housekeeper” came to mind, but because of my commitment to smashing the patriarchy, I decided to be more specific with my request. Hence the manservant.

Unfortunately, I will also need you to bring me a couple runaway bestsellers this year, so I can afford to provide a fair wage and a suite of benefits to my manservant.

Thanks, Santa. I didn’t make you any cookies, but if you come through, next year there will be cookies such as you have never seen.

Sincerely,

Jenny

Dear Santa,

I’ve been (mostly) a very good girl this year. Certainly I could have done much better in areas…but temptation is very tempting and that box of chocolates was looking at me funny. Surely you can see my only option was to eat it. And yes, I could have stuck to certain things better…like my diet. But overall I was kind to children, animals and the elderly and that definitely counts.

As that’s the case I just have a few teeny tiny things on my wishlist:

• A little more time…my to do list is always monstrous and somehow there is never enough time in the day to get it all done! As that’s the case, there is only one solution…send me the TARDIS. I promise to only use it for legitimate purposes and not for exploring space and time *crosses fingers behind back*
• I am super excited for 2019 for a few reasons…one of which is my trip to New Orleans. Not only because New Orleans is such a great place to visit, but also because I am meeting up with Francesca and Angela. IN THE FLESH, with no computer or phone screen between us. So, if you could pop a plane ticket in my presents this year that would be awesome!
• Chocolate and socks…you never go wrong with either one. At least I hope so as that’s what I’ve bought everyone this year!

Happy holidays and have a mince pie and brandy on me!

Suzanne from Under the Covers

Dear Santa,

My name is Lady Regina Haversham and I have a somewhat scandalous request this year. I’d like a Bow Street Runner for Christmastide. Not just any Bow Street Runner mind you, Mr. Claus. I happen to fancy one in particular. His name is Daffin Oakleaf and I met him last summer at my uncle’s estate. He is noble, kind, and ever-so handsome.

I hesitate to write this next part, Mr, Claus, as I’d hate to scandalize a hard-working elf who may be reading your letters, but . . . I’d quite like to (ahem) spend the night with Mr. Oakleaf before my thirtieth birthday, which falls on January 13th. So, you see, I’m a bit desperate. I have little time left. My uncle is planning to announce my engagement to a perfectly respectable, but perfectly BORING lord on twelfth night. If I’m to settle down for the rest of my life, I’d like to choose the first man I spend the night with and I choose Daffin.

I understand you’re not a magician, Mr. Claus, so I have every intention of assisting you in this matter. To that end, I intend to pay a visit to Mr. Oakleaf at his offices in Bow Street at my earliest convenience. (wink)

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter, Mr. Claus. I look forward to our partnership. Have a merry, merry Christmastide and a happy new year.

Lady Regina Haversham
London, December, 1818

[ Valerie Bowman ]

Dear Santa,

This has been such a strange year in so many ways, but the important thing you need to remember is that you will find my name on the nice list this year.  I know, I’m shocked as well really.  So I think that will certainly improve my chances of getting some of the things I ask for.  I mean, you could always look at my previous lists and bring me my ideal man hunk …. like Jason Momoa wrapped in red (yes, only a bow) would be pretty nice.

But, I know how you work and you won’t catch me getting disappointed yet again when that doesn’t happen.  So how about something even better!  What could be better than naked Jason Momoa?  Don’t shake your head.  I know this is debatable because not much could be.  However, I would like the ability to eat anything I want and not gain a pound.  No exercise needed either because I don’t have time for that.  I just want to eat my feelings away and not deal with the double chin and the rolls that have been cropping up.  That should totally be a super power.

I also want a cute, cuddly puppy!  See picture below so you can have an idea of what I’m looking for.  So I can love him, and squeeze him, and love him and squeeze him.  Don’t worry I won’t smother him.  And yes, please, make it a boy.  I think we are finally ready to be doggy parents again and I’m getting really excited about the prospect.  Also, don’t worry about any of the supplies.  I’ve kind of been buying those already. 😉

And finally I’m getting pretty tired of the cold so maybe an all inclusive trip to a tropical island where I can basically lay around the beach all day.  Some R&R is basically high on that list of things I want this year.  You could throw in some pretty bath robes, a day at the spa, some bubble bath and lots of candles.  And if that comes with my man hunk serving me drinks, you can leave the bow out.

Don’t Drink and Sleigh!

Francesca
from Under the Covers

Dear Santa,

I don’t know if you’ll make it out this way (Algar is like, a bazillion light years from Earth) but there’s got to be some alien version of you somewhere for all the good little girls and boys here, right? And I’ve been a pretty good girl. I mean, I worked hard for an ungrateful boyfriend, I risked my life helping an alien escape Earth, and I’ve let at least a thousand aligarii touch my hair and skin to satisfy their curiosity. I’ve gotten to the point where I feel like David Spade’s character from The Emperor’s New Groove — no touchy! So I think I’ve earned a few little requests, haven’t I? I’ve included my list below:

– Fuzzy socks! Despite there being more alien species living on this planet than I can count, none of them have the right material for a cozy pair of fuzzy socks. Sometimes a girl just needs some fuzzy socks!
– A decent bra. I never thought I’d be asking for this. No one here, and I mean no one, has breasts as large as mine. They just let it all hang out — not that there’s any hanging involved! They all have such small, perky breasts! Talk about unfair! I just need a little more support.
– My romance books. You don’t even need to get me anything new. If you could maybe just find the box I left in my car and ship it to me, that’d be great! I miss sitting down with a sexy alien romance novel — even if I’m living with a sexy alien of my own. Just…don’t tell Rendash I said that.
– Or better yet, send him a karma sutra book. Don’t get me wrong, he’s really creative when it comes to that stuff, but we could all use a little fresh inspiration once in a while, right? …I didn’t just land myself on the naughty list, did I?
– Remember when I used to complain about dollar menu cheeseburgers? I’d kill for one right about now. Or some pickles. Or a pint of chocolate ice cream. Or sourdough toast and strawberry jam. Oh! How about a banana? The food here is good…so long as you don’t think too hard about what it was before they cooked it.
– I don’t know if you really have any sway over this, but…I want our baby to be healthy. We’re not really sure how this is all going to work, and the doctors here — they have some other word for it, but I doubt you speak aligarii — say everything will be okay, but just in case. I want my family to be healthy and happy. And…if you have some way of passing on the message, can you tell Mel that I’m okay?

That should about do it. I’ve been trying to explain to Rendash what Christmas is, and we’re making progress a little at a time. He thought it was weird when I wanted to bring a tree inside when we have a million of them all around outside, but he indulged me. There’s nothing like a pine tree here, so I hope that’s okay with you. And aligarii cookies are a little…chewy. But I think you’ll like them. I’ll try to improve the recipe for next year, if I can.

Oh! I think I hear Rendash coming, so I better end this now! Remember what I said about the romance book thing. Between you and me, right?

Sincerely,
Zoey Weston

[ Tiffany Roberts ]

Dear Santa,

I’ve written you a letter every year since I could hold a pencil. Right after Thanksgiving, Grandma would get out her champagne glasses and apple cider, and set me up in the corner table of her kitchen. She would make a big show of shooing Grandpa away, and we would spend hours coming up with the most fabulous ideas. An invisible elf that would sit by my side at school, even when I was stuck inside at recess, retaking a test I’d missed or homework I didn’t understand. A tree that grew jellybeans and Hershey’s kisses. A pet unicorn.

My grandma taught me to dream. Taught me that not everything needs to be real to be wonderful. On Christmas morning, there were always a few real presents under the tree though. Some whimsical, some practical. But those moments in her kitchen—they were the best kind of gift.

Now I’m sitting at the kitchen table of the home I share with Dax. Pencil in hand, a champagne flute filled with apple cider in front of me. Except—I don’t know what to write. All of my dreams—even the wildest ones—have come true.

Fame. Fortune. Freedom.

Love.

So … this isn’t a list. This is a thank you note. Thank you, Santa. For all the moments and memories you’ve given me over the years. I am truly grateful.

You have a busy night ahead of you, and you can skip me this year. I’m sure Dax has it covered, as always. The man brings me joy, every day and in so many ways.

All my love,

Verity Moore

[ Tara Leigh ]

November 16, 2018

Dear Santa,

It’s me, Chrissy, again. I’m still being good. I’m going to have a Christmas tree in my room. You can put my presents there so I don’t have to wait until Daddy wakes up Christmas morning. He sleeps way too late. Be careful on the stairs.

Chrissy

November 22, 2018

Dear Santa,

I’m sorry I told you to put my presents under the tree in my room this year. Daddy said that was bossy. I didn’t mean to be bossy.

You can do whatever you want and it’s okay with me.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Chrissy

December 6, 2018

Dear Santa,

My Aunt Angela is sad because she has to close her store. Can you please bring her something that will make her happy again?

I’ve been good and so has she.

Chrissy

December 28, 2018

Dear Santa,

I’m so glad you found Geoff for Aunt Angela. She used to work all the time and was no fun. She’s happy and fun now. I think she even likes Geoff better than the potholders I made for her and she really liked those a lot.

I can’t wait to be a flower girl someday. Can I have a real tiara to wear at their wedding next Christmas? I thought you might need to start saving now.

Merry Christmas,

Chrissy

[ Nancy Naigle ]

Dear Santa,

St. Nicholas Day has come and gone, and before I know it, Christmas will be here. And after that, a whole new year! I am excited for the year ahead because finally, after years of planning, my college besties and I will be taking the vacation of our dreams. We’ve waited so long for this trip I can’t believe it’s actually almost here… that next summer I will be spending six weeks in Europe, seeing all the sights in Spain, Italy, the Netherlands, France, and the United Kingdom. (Each of us got to pick a country to visit. You should know, my best friend Bonnie, totally cheated and said Scotland, Ireland, and England all counted as one).

I chose France, because I’d like to see Paris—the city of lights, the city of love. No, I’m not asking for true love, Santa, I know that takes more work than a wish, but I am asking for a little luck. You see, I’m hoping to get lucky. Am I asking for what you think I’m asking for? Yes. Yes, I am. Work has been tough, Mr. Claus, and while I love my job, it’s not left me much time for any extracurricular activities, if you know what I mean. The most action I’ve seen lately has been between the covers of romance novels. (Which reminds me, I’d also like the author of my favorite series to hurry up and finish the next book, can you do something about that, big guy?)

Anyway, that’s what I’m hoping for. A fantasy man to go with my fantasy vacation. A little romance, even if just for one night. You work a lot of miracles in one night every year Santa, surely you can make this happen.

I believe in you,

XOXO

Cassie Crow

[ Melonie Johnson ]

Read more:

• More Dear Santa letters from authors
• Holiday romance book recommendations

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SIGNED copy of IN THIS LIFE by Christine Brae
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ASH & QUILL by Rachel Caine
WITHOUT MERIT by Colleen Hoover
THE FLIRTATION by Tara Sue Me
THE DASTARDLY MISS LIZZIE by Viola Carr
MAKING WAVES by Laura Moore
DISTURBING HIS PEACE by Tessa Bailey

 

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