We all love our romance here at Under the Covers, no matter what the sub-genre, so long as there is going to be some smooching and sexy times we are all over it. But, no matter how much we love something, that doesn’t make it perfect and in this Top Ten we are showing you the things that make us roll our eyes, hang our heads in shame and wring our hands like a dimwitted historical heroine.
He Put it Where?
Her moist cavern, tunnel of pleasure, tight/clenching passage, her flower, dripping woman hood…the list could continue! What is wrong with the word vagina, pussy, I will even accept the C word, why all these strange euphemism, that make women’s pussy’s (my favourite word for female genitalia!) sound like some kind of leaky passageway? Not sexy. Especially when someone is dripping and gushing all over the place, someone take the poor girl to the doctor!
Series that Never End
Have you even read a series, loved it to start with but you see book 22 is about to be released and all you feel is weary and you start wondering…when will it ever end? You can have too much of a good thing, especially when that good thing is stretched so thinly that you lose sight of what you loved in the first place. Of course, I am a complete hypocrite and am known to moan incessantly when a series I love is ending!
I hate love triangles. I have yet to read one where you didn’t know right from the start exactly who the heroine is going to chose. In the end it gets tiresome and I start a-wondering what is special about this girl that she gets two hot guys gasping after her, is her moist cavern tighter and clenchier than most?
I know a whole lot of people are going to gasp in horror at this one…but I can’t stand New Adult. If I wanted to listen to some over sensitive girl in her early twenties whine about her life I would just call my sister. New Adult rubs me up the wrong way every time!
Perfect Hero…Perfectly Boring
We are all in the romance reading business for one reason…the heroes. A good hero can make or break a book, even if the rest of the book is shite, if you Sexy McHunky made your knickers melt, chances are you will be recommending it to your friends. Surely there can’t be any more room in romance for another cookie cutter hero, with no distinguishing features, even his six pack and ginourmous cock can’t overshadow the fact that he has the personality of a cyborg (and not the sexy sci-fi romance ones either!)
Really, She DID That…TSTL heroines
OMG, did she just run AFTER the man with the gun, even though she has no defense against it and no weapon of her own. Yes, yes she did. Luckily the hero comes along just in time to save her *sigh* another TSTL heroine we haven’t been able to weed out the gene pool.
That Flimsy Flimsy Plot
This really really bugs me, when I start a romance book what I am after is a great love story, the first meeting…the first kiss….the first time they have dirty dirty monkey sex. What I don’t want is a convoluted plot with a mustache twirling villain whose identity I guessed in the first chapter and then spend the rest of the book questioning the hero and heroine’s intelligence as they seem unable to figure it out. Either have a good plot that enriches the story, or don’t have one at all.
The Mighty Virgin…
I praise all virgins in romance novels. If your male than your love stick is imbued with magical powers that some how allow you to give great sex, no awkward fumbling for you! And if you are female, then instead of the actual pain of having your hymen ripped away by your hero’s (usually huge) magical love stick, all you have is a little pinch, then a few minutes later, you are orgasming all over the place. Lucky bitch.
…And The Improbable Sex
Have you ever read a sex scene…and been a little confused? HOW did they do that without an extra arm/leg and still be within the laws of gravity? It all sounds a little painful to be, I figure if you have to train as a contortionist to have sex, not matter how magical Delicious O’Sexy’s huge love pole is, I will stick with my B.O.B., less mess and avoid any possible blood shed.
The Big Misunderstanding
This riles me up the most, I don’t mind a few words for pussy that remind of public transport, even if it is book 18 in a series featuring a magical virgin hero, so long as the whole book isn’t based on a misunderstanding. So, you think the woman you love bats for the other team based on an offhand comment by the woman in questions mortal enemy…hmmm maybe have a grown up conversation with the heroine of your dreams rather than growing a pair of breasts and shaving twice a day to get her attention! Grrrr….!
What are some of yours?
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AMEN to ALLLLLLLLL of those !! If I could have a reviewer say ” good book except for their use of #1, 4 & 6″ that would be a big help lol!!
(I especially agree with #7 !!! except in the case of Colleen Hoover 😉
Agreed, there are some (very few) exceptions to this rule and Colleen Hoover is one of them. 😉
I’m going to jump in too and say that probably me (Annie) and Francesca read NA here. But we can be pretty picky with them. I know Fran loves Colleen Hoover, as do I, but there are also some other NA authors that I think are worth the read: Jessica Sorensen – she writes fabulous emotion-filled stories with characters that you genuinely care about Katie McGarry – now I know she is technically YA, but regardless, she writes some of the most compelling stories for young people I’ve read in a long time. Helena Hunting – this sort of fits… Read more »
I can add Karina Halle because EIT is technically new adult. L.H. Cosway who writes what could be considered new adult but it’s just her own genre, I love it! Sophie Jordan’s Ivy Chronicles I enjoyed, as well as Monica Murphy, Cherie M. Hudson, Erin McCarthy and K.A. Tucker. ~ Francesca
I so agree with this list!
LOL I actually didn’t realize all the weird names authors have come up with for a woman’s vagina until someone pointed it out to me ..now I find myself cringing at the various descriptions…..and yes I think ‘the virgin’ is being used too much lately as well….either that or I’m just realizing that, too 🙂
I especially hate it when they describe it as MOIST HEAT.
I had a list of romance complaints as well, I posted it right around Valentine’s Day. You can check it out here: http://eskimoprincess.blogspot.com/2014/02/love-is-in-air-blog-hop.html Just ignore the giveaway, since its an older post. 🙂
I agree with every single one of these! I just read a boring hero and I just wanted to slap him. I don’t think he did much except follow his heroine around. The descriptions for vaginas makes me roll my eyes all the time. Great list!
LOL sounds like a keeper? JK. Thanks Tanya!
These are great and totally agree that in general you nailed it. Along the lines of misunderstanding, I would just put plain ‘lack of communication’. Seriously? So many books would be like two chapter deals if people actually talked in an honest fashion. 😉
Right. There have been a few books like that that totally discourage me from reading more works from the author because it’s too simple of a conflict.
I agree with all but #7 and another one that really bugs me is getting basic facts wrong or making up something that is unbelievable.
I still like New Adult 🙂 (Annie)
But it can get on my nerves when it’s strictly “new adult”. The story has to offer something more than that for me to like it. LOL ~Francesca
OMG. YES about #1.
Also, weird analogies for guys parts as well – the other day I read one that said a guy’s dick had ‘a steak and potato thickness about it’ WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
LMFAO Erica. WHAT BOOK WAS THIS!!?!?
I think I read one that called it pork stick. How attractive.
I can’t stand NA either. I tried, I really did. But my 20’s were a blast! I wasn’t beaten, abused, had a great job, lots of friends and had a great family. Too many whiners and peeps in their 20’s think that they are entitled. Yes, entitled and they pout when they don’t get their way. Don’t forget: 1. Menages that end as a couple so the 3rd person can have their own story. Yep, don’t read them anymore because of that issue. I hate when an author builds up the menage in the blurb, excerpt, social media and its… Read more »
I think writing true menages are more difficult. I’ve read a few that work, but most authors want to get another book out in the series that way.
As for serials, did you read out Mind Spill post on that topic? https://www.underthecoversbookblog.com/2014/04/mind-spill-e-serials-love-em-or-hate-em.html
Just left a comment… Marika/Harlie P.S. You have no idea how opinionated I am on romance books. Since its only me on the blog, I don’t say a lot when it comes to what I like or don’t like. I don’t want to piss off the authors that do show up and care enough to be on the blog. I don’t review erotic during the week, just on the weekends and I do have a reviewer for that. I love reading about what yall like and don’t like. I pretty much agree with everything but I also have a few… Read more »
This is right on as well as what others have added. Going along with number 3 If the female virgin does not get just a little pinch it seems she has excruciating pain. I mean really it’s just a dick. Also the idea that they don’t know anatomy and consistently put women’s hymen’s way up in the vagina, and some how the hero can feel it. Got to second the serials. Just give me a complete book. Drives me crazy. I am also not all about the dark themes. Life sucks a lot of the time. I read as an… Read more »
OMG PAM! “It’s just a dick.” You crack me up!!!
You know, I have to agree with you on the angst thing. I use reading as an escape as well and if something is going wrong in my life, I don’t want to read about more depressing things. But once in a while I think it’s fine.
I read/listened a book recently (don’t remember what book) but the heroine was a virgin but she told the guy she was ok because she used her fingers and toys and broke her skin a while ago. Ok plausible. This will be TMI but it didn’t hurt my first time and it’s probably for the same reasons. LOL
But yeah the male virgin is what gets on my nerves the most. No guy is going to be a sex god their first time.
Male virgins! That’s a new one we haven’t heard yet! Thanks for sharing Jennifer!!!
I agree with this! I barely read NA anymore. I also hate insta-love. And the tattooed bad boy/man whore who has a different man in his bed every night until he spots her…”the one.” Give me a break. I’m not sure where these sex gods go to college, but when I was in college there were mostly sloppy drunken hook ups:)
I meant different women in his bed…lol!
LOLOL My university didnt have it either. What’s wrong with the places we are living in? 😛
Have you been reading my mind? So many of my pet peeves you sited! Especially the NA. I wasn’t crazy about my late teens and early twenties….why would I really want to read about someone else’s.
Great blog post….thank you.
I completely agree with all of these. Especially 10 and 3, I’m really jealous of these virgins whose first time was amazing with no pain and multiple orgasms, lol.
My others are the books that end in major cliffhangers when the author hasn’t sold another book in the series so we get left hanging. Drives me crazy.
And the ones were a characters personality does a complete 360. A devoted hero suddenly for no reason cheats or a woman who loves her man but then falls for another out of nowhere.
The 360 personality change is a new one we haven’t heard before! I’m curious to know which books you’ve read had these!
Completely Agree with all Especially the New Adult one I cant take it anymore, and they are so short, what happened to the “Novel” that has more pages than my current age.
Love Triangles as well stop this please.
This is so true!!!! Got me agreeing to everything! NA….. I’m okay with but they’re still a little iffy.
This is definitely the best list ever. I pretty much agree to all of it. And seriously, the New Adult thing? I thought it was just me!!
I cannot agree more. Everything listed is stuff I dislike too. The Big Misunderstanding (UGH), the hated Love Triangle which really just kills the romance, Series that Never ENds (*cough Stephanie Laurens cough*), TSTL (naive, stupid heroines…), horrible plot and those weird sex stunts. I dislike NA too, precisely because I’m that age and I have better stuff to do than cry or wallow in self-misery over some “dark past” or other teen related “traumas.” Most of all I love #10. “Moist cavern” disturbs me quite a bit. It puts me in mind of a slithering snake and that is… Read more »
Oh yes, Stephanie Laurens has her series going on forever. Since I haven’t read it, I can’t say much on it. But unless there’s no longer a story arc there, let’s not extend it just for the sake of it.
I’m not big fan of Love Triangles 😀
I agree with all of your gripes. I have two of my own. Difficult/foreign/oddly spelled names. I don’t keep an ancient Celtic dictionary nearby so authors, if you must use a rare name for a character could you please put the pronunciation in your story. There is a Joey Hill story where I referred to the main character as HER because I was too lazy to Google the name. I have been on this rant for a few years but now I have a new one. Female characters who are not sexually adventurous or are inexperienced and they are written… Read more »
LOL Barb, I end up making up a lot of names for difficult to pronounce/read names.
And yes! Sooo many people feel the same way as you! You are definitely not alone in this. I think some authors make BDSM seem “tame” now since there are so many books that feature it since FOSG. They override logic and simply dive into the hot sex without really taking into consideration the fact that the woman is unexperienced or even a virgin in some cases.
I’m with you on the names. I don’t mind challenging names, but only if I know how they are supposed to sound in my head. I’ve found a couple sites online that help, especially for Gaelic names. But when authors dream up names by adding unexpected consonants (cough-JR Ward-cough), it bugs me all the way through the book. Also irksome for me are characters with names that are similar. I read fast, really fast, so having a Garth and a Garrett to wrestle with drives me nuts. Anything that makes me stop to think about a story’s trappings pulls me… Read more »
Amen to all 10!! I am so annoyed with romance right now and it’s because everything you mentioned in your list. Yes every genre has a formula but come one! Let’s change it up people! And New Adult is a new pain in my ass. Even adult contemporary romances are featuring early 20 somethings as the heroine. No. Just no. And of course the hero is in his 30s.
I’m also sick and tired of bdsm being thrown into a romance as an after thought, when it’s not organic to the plot or the characters.
You bring up a huge point that I think a lot of people overlook. There have been some books I’ve read whereI thought the BDSM aspect of it seemed completely out of the blue and didn’t particular add something to the story. For me, if it’s not there for a purpose, then let’s keep it out, right?
I think you actually listed all of mine and wrote one of the funniest blog posts at the same time. Especially the “He stuck it where” section. Please will authors read this and get the point, and thank you for bringing it to light.
I also love “the magic stick” reference.
😉 If we only were that lucky that will pay attention, but hey at least it’s out there and they might look!
OMG! This is spot on! THANK YOU for writing and sharing. I’m so going to share this!!! 🙂
Glad you enjoyed!
#9.. while I wonder when In Death series will end, I think I will cry if I will never read Eve and Roarke again :). For other series, umm Dark Hunter maybe? LOL, already 25 and no sign it will end.
Virgin heroine? Ahhh, we love it we hate it. Even when she feel orgasm for her first time is to escapism enjoyment purpose, I’m not enjoy it. Definitely not :|. And tbh, I still don’t know what New Adult was. I always think that women in her twenties are considered as adult
Great topic! Here’s my list: 1. Obscure names and places without any hint how they are pronounced. 2. Out of character actions that are thrown in as plot contrivances. Shouldn’t an editor catch those? 3. Hanging threads, like betrayals by friends or relatives, that are never addressed in the ultimate resolution of the plot. 4. Out of character thoughts:Even in historicals, it jars me when a male hero enters the ballroom and gives the reader detailed descriptions of the fabric in ladies’ gowns. Alpha guys are not going to be thinking about what kind of lace is edging a hem,… Read more »
The whiny heroine is one that often makes me want to pitch the book. I know they want to show how much she has grown by the end of the story but OMG can she just shut up about whatever it is that she is moaning about. The lack of communication is probably my top annoying thing, though if they had just once communicated there would be no storyline whats so ever.
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