Warm up the mince pies and get out the cherry brandy, we are soon to be visited by our favourite jolly man in red. Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Papai Noel, Babbo Natale, Swiety Mikolaj…however, you say it we all all rubbing our hands in anticipation. Or atleast…some of us are, those of us who have been good, if you’ve been naughty you might be left with nothing but a lump of coal. So, us ladies at UTC and some of our favourite authors have written our letters to the big man, you know to put in a few requests and maybe explain a few things…Enjoy!
So let’s talk. I’ve been pretttty good this year. I mean, I only bought one new handbag—sales don’t count, right? I had a solid stretch of working out—winter doesn’t count, right? There was the time I tried to pass off store-bought baked goods as mine, and let’s not talk about the last time I cleaned the house, but all things considered I’m chalking this year up in the “nice” column.
Since I’ve been mostly good, here are a few things I would love it if you would bring me:
– Days to stretch to twenty-eight hours with an extra four reserved just for reading
– A new Judith McNaught book (bonus points if it features a Westmoreland)
– Netflix to do a Gossip Girl reboot
– A year’s supply of yoga pants that won’t be going to yoga anytime soon
– Jason Momoa to star in a new TV show (bonus points if he’s shirtless some—all—of the time)
– My ship to sale on Jane the Virgin (#TeamRafael)
– The original Corazón Salvaje to air on TV again (I need my Juan del Diablo fix)
– Ben & Jerry’s to bring back Bovinity Divinity (I’ll keep dreaming this dream)
If all else fails, a pair of ginormous sunglasses are never a miss…or you know, a new handbag.
[new-release title=”On Broken Wings” author=”Chanel Cleeton”]
This year I’m going to keep it short and sweet. I would either like:
- 1 million dollars
- an infinite amount of planner stickers because Fran and Angela have corrupted me with this new addiction
- DAVID GANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Please send him to me. I’ve been asking for YEARS.)
As I sit here writing you this letter with my daughter, Olivia, beside me (she’s writing her own), and my son, Grey, on my lap, I can’t come up with one thing that I want. I guess that’s a gift in itself. Since Olivia’s list keeps getting longer, I’ll just have to come up with something. I want to start off by saying, I’ve been a VERY good boy this year. If you need further proof of this: I’m married to Mia and have managed to keep my cool every time she does something crazy. Even when she accidentally spilled coffee all over my latest manuscript. And also, when she left my computer out on the counter and Grey decided to “type… like dada” and broke all of my keys.
I’ve been good, dude. I’ve been great.
Here’s what I wish for:
- Olivia’s list doesn’t need to be that long. I think at least three of those toys can be taken off (she helped Grey snap the keys off of my laptop).
- Can you pick a different president for us before January 2017? I’d like that very much.
- American Girl is way too expensive. Maybe you can help me out by getting an extra one so I don’t have to go back to that God forsaken place for her birthday (Mia and Krista are planning Olivia and her baby sister’s birthday party there. Yay blended families!… yay.)
- Mia really wants a chrome Kitchenaid Mixer. I’m putting it on my list because she makes great brownies.
- A new motorcycle helmet would be nice. Grey took it upon himself to doodle all over mine, and while it’s adorable, I’m pretty sure after the adjustments he made, my head can’t handle a blunt hit any longer.
- New Beats headphones. Olivia stole mine.
- A new LaDainian Tomlinson jersey (Mia donated my old one because it was “falling apart” . . . IT WAS VINTAGE, but whatever.)
- On a real note, health. I want all the health and time in the world to enjoy my beautiful wife and our incredible kids. Life is going by so fast, and sometimes I feel like each time I blink I’m one step closer to walking Olivia down the aisle and setting up Grey in a college dorm. So what I want the most is time to enjoy these small moments with them and with Mia, who brings me coffee and snacks when I’m writing late at night and smiles every time I read her some of my work.
Jensen from Paper Hearts by Claire Contreras
[new-release title=”Paper Hearts” author=”Claire Contreras”]
I am writing this letter on behalf of my nephew, who is still in utero and is causing all kinds of a ruckus. Considering who his father is, I think he’s been quite good. But I’ll leave that up to your judgement.
I am also writing as it is tradition in our family to do so, seeing as how Roscoe still believed in Santa until he was fourteen, our momma was loathe to end the ritual. Consequently, I’ve been designated to list the one thing each member of our family wishes for the most…
But, since I’m writing the letter, I’ve decided to eschew this approach and instead list the one thing each member of my family deserves the most.
- Jethro – A new smoking jacket (he won’t need it, so he can give it to me)
- Sienna – A second trimester free of nausea
- Billy – Forgiveness
- Ashley – An engagement ring
- Drew – The wherewithal to provide the aforementioned engagement ring, and an answer of “yes”
- Beau – A tall Bostonian woman with loose morals.
- Duane – A ticket home for Christmas
- Jessica – A companion ticket home for Christmas
- Roscoe – Stronger soap; the poor child has been smelling of ox musk and dog urine for the last six months.
- Jennifer – Anything her heart desires (unless it’s clothes)
- Cletus (that’s me) – Jennifer. Naked. Frequently. (And Jethro’s smoking jacket)
As ever, your kind consideration is much appreciated, etc. etc.
With bonhomous verisimilitude,
Cletus Byron Winston from Grin and Beard It by Penny Reid
[new-release title=”Grin and Beard It” author=”Penny Reid”]
I’ve been such a good girl. Well, kind of. Maybe. Okay, so I haven’t been perfect, but perfect is boring. But although I haven’t been entirely angelic, I have however been interesting and that’s just as good, if not better. Right? I certainly hope so because I have a few
demands requests for this Christmas.
Firstly, and I believe I have been asking for this every year and so far you haven’t delivered. Disappointing, very very disappointing. But, I would appreciate you finally delivering my Chris Hemsworth order. Or Chris Pratt, frankly any of the hot Chris’s that seem to speckle Hollywood would do.
Secondly, some good books! 2016 wasn’t quite up to spec, but I am feeling optimistic about all the good stuff coming out next year, so please keep an eye out for me. Maybe gift some authors with inspiration, I am dying to fall in love with a new series. I’m thinking something Paranormal, PNR has been sadly lacking anything that’s tickled my fancy.
Thirdly, if you could just deliver the make-up department in John Lewis I would be ever so grateful. My face needs as much help as it can get so I can keep my Hollywood Chris (number one on my list!) happy.
Mostly though I want a fantastic 2017 full of health and happiness for all my friends, family and the loyal readers of UTC. Oh and world peace. You can’t go wrong with a little world peace.
Merry Christmas Santa
A letter to Mayor Kringle from Donner Rein Dear.
Dear Mayor Kringle,
This year as we prepare for the Big Flight I have a small list of requests for your consideration. I know you’re very busy, especially this time of year, but I would very much appreciate a moment of your time.
Firstly, I don’t suppose there’s something you can do about Jack Frost as his incessant blustering? Yes, he’s a winter spirit, and yes, I suppose blustering is a part of his nature, but the man is perpetually grumpy and has a habit of summoning winter storms willy-nilly. I like the snow as much as the next Christmas elf, but honestly, Frost needs to learn a little restraint. We can’t always be dependent on poor Rudy to kiss away the man’s glacial disposition.
While you’re at it, would you mind spreading some of that cheer onto my Rein Dear brother Blitzen? The elf does know how to smile. I’ve seen it myself. At least I think I have. Usually it’s when Cupid is about. Either way, I’ve never seen such a cranky Christmas elf.
Dasher—Where do I even begin? What in the holly has gotten into him? The Christmas elf has lost his marbles. I think it would be prudent for you to intervene before we find ourselves down one Christmas elf. Of all the winter spirits and Christmas elves Dasher could have set his sights on, he decides on the King of Frost! It’s madness! If Jack finds out, he’s going to turn Dasher into a popsicle and then where would we be? Short one Rein Dear pilot.
Now, I know you’re a very wise spirit, but I do have to question your decision on allowing Calder to remain in North Pole City to train Cupid. A Dockalfar teaching a Christmas elf how to wield dark magic? Nothing good can come of it. Calder doesn’t belong in North Pole City. Have you seen how blasted tall the elf is? And what’s with his hair? It’s white. Oh, wait, so is yours. Um, never mind. What I meant is, um, he’s dangerous. And rugged. No elf should be so…. strapping. Not that I’ve noticed, or am interested, because that’d be madness. What would everyone say? I’m simply attempting to spare everyone the heartache, so please, send him away, preferably far, far, away. The other side of the globe would be a good start.
Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I look forward to seeing you at Jack and Rudy’s wedding. Just a few more days until the Big Flight!
Donner Rein Dear from Disarming Donner by Charlie Cochet
[new-release title=”Disarming Donner” author=”Charlie Cochet”]
THE DIRT ON NINTH GRAVE by Darynda Jones
PUT UP YOUR DUKE by Megan Frampton
SIGNED copy of LAWLESS IN LEATHER by Melanie Scott
DARKNESS RAGING by Yasmine Galenorn
VIPERS RULE by Stephanie Tyler
CORNERED by HelenKay Dimon
GOOD VAMPIRES GO TO HEAVEN by Sandra Hill
THE McCULLAGH INN IN MAINE by Jen McLaughlin
LEARNING TO RIDE by Erin Knighley
‘TIL DEATH DO ITS PART by Amanda Quick
SIGNED copy of THE BEAST by J.R. Ward
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