I’m probably on the naughty list but I thought I’d go ahead and write you a letter anyway. If you’re considering bringing gifts for me this year, I’d really (REALLY) appreciate the following:
— my own Alice. You know, like Alice from The Brady Bunch. She did EVERYTHING. Cooked, cleaned, gave the kids advice, knew how to have fun and she went out with Sam the Butcher so she can probably score some great prices on steak, prime rib and the like. I want an Alice. A live in Alice who will make our lives easier. You don’t need to wrap her either. Just put a red bow on top of her head and let her relax beneath the tree until we wake up.
— I’d request Chris Hemsworth but my husband his wife probably wouldn’t understand so I guess I won’t. But if it’s possible…yeah. Consider it.
— Calorie free chocolate. They say you’re magic Santa so this would be a great way to prove it.
— A month long vacation in Hawaii. Oh, that sounds heavenly.
And that’s really it! My wants and needs are pretty simple. Hope you get a chance to deliver a few of those items (preferably Chris Hemsworth, just so you know). 🙂
I was hoping perhaps after the Christmas rush is over you could give me and my three kiddies a lift over the Mediterranean and the Atlantic Ocean to New York City so I could show them the bright lights and holiday sights of the town where their mommy was born and raised. They have yet to experience the tree at Rockefeller Center, or the windows at Saks, the Victorian carolers strolling through the Plaza Hotel, not to mention the joys of scarfing down a cream-cheesed-stuffed sesame seed bagel or a huge slice of saucy pizza or those hot dogs on the street! Then perhaps, after they get smushed in the crowd at F.A.O. Schwartz while gawking at the huge, stuffed animals and then rush off to the Apple store next door where, naturally, they’d all get iPad minis as souvenirs (and maybe a huge iMac for mommy– Don’t forget, dearest Santa, my birthday’s on Christmas Eve, so you owe me an extra giftie, babe, not to mention I could avoid those huge customs fees by packing it on your sleigh! Phew!) Sorry, slight digression there…
I thought perhaps we could drop the kids off at the Christmas Show at Radio City, and while they’re enjoying the Rockettes (No, no, really, I don’t need to see their impossibly long legs kicking up a storm again. Been there! Done that!) and the live Christmas pageant, live camel included (they still do that, don’t they??) strutting across that ginormous stage, you could whisk me off to Scotland on your magic sleigh? You see Jamie, I mean Sam, uh, I mean Jamie dammit, and I have got a rendezvous at the stones of Craig Na Dun for a horse ride through the bluish green hills of the Highlands, our cloaks flying, his ginger curls in my face, my hand-knit cowel thingy around my neck keeping me cozy. Well, that is until Jamie rips it off me as he drags me down into the heather, his fingers tugging at my stays, his hands unfastening his breeches then feverishly roaming over my bare flesh under my long skirts. I can hear his his jagged voice, his gasping, warm breaths, heating my skin even now: “Does it ever stop, Cat? The wanting?”
YOU FEELING ME, SANTA?
Pardon. Sorry for the outburst.
I’ve been a good girl this year, though, haven’t I? Sniff. And maybe if Scotland is too far from NYC, we could hightail it to South Dakota instead, where a tall, lean, road warrior named Miller will be lighting his fireplace and pouring two glasses of whiskey, keeping the sofa warm with his bare, tattooed bod for us whispering in that deep voice, “Been waiting for you, baby. Get the fuck over here now…” the second I step through the door. Oops, there I go with those long, long sentences again! That always happens when I get excited, just ask my editor. Hehehehe.
And I promise, I won’t forget the hot chocolate and gingerbread cookies for you this time like I did last year. (So sorry, I was a tad peckish after wrapping all those gifts. I don’t have helper elves.) Oh, by the way, this year the kids are preparing little paper sandbag candle lanterns to light your way around the exterior of our house for easy landing of said sleigh. Nice, right?
Hugs & smoochers!
Yo! How’s it hanging? No, don’t answer that, you’re Santa – I don’t need to know any of the details that Mrs. Claus is privy to. That’s TMI.
2014 has been a great year and I’m pretty sure I’m not on the naughty list this year, right? Right? No? Oh sh…oot. Okay then.
What was it? Was it that time I professed my love to Pete Wentz with the “come take me eyes” in front of my husband? If it was, I promise that G didn’t mind a bit. In fact, he proclaimed he’d do the same if Claire Sinclaire was within five feet of him. Promise.
Or was it that time that I lusted after James Marsters after he let me touch his hair? Because seriously, it was only his hair. I, in no way shape or form, reenacted that moment over and over in my head. Nor did I pretend that I was touching… other parts of him?
It wasn’t any of that that landed me on the naughty list? Then I’m at a loss. You’ll forgive me you say? He..ck yeah. Then I’d like to ask for a few small things:
- Adam Levine. I really, really want to check out the new tattoos he now has around the tiger on his arm. Up close and personal. That’s all. Promise there are no thoughts of tying him down… oh wait… writing that made all of these naughty thoughts pop into my head. Sorry Santa.
- Cillian Murphy. In one of his costumes from Peaky Blinders. I’ll only stare at his cheekbones and jawline and contemplate his quite quirky but striking features. Promise. At least until I think of that line “Oh, I do bad things, but you already know that.” Shivers.
- Jed Whedon. No, not to look at but to insist that he rewrite that one episode of Agents of Shield that made my mouth drop open and unspeakable come out of it after. G says that’s one of the only times that he’s ever seen me truly speechless. Though I really didn’t mind seeing a hot guy locked up – Oh you haven’t seen that episode Santa? Then let’s just say that Jed broke my heart with that plot arc and I haven’t recovered yet. Sexy guys doing very bad things with guns should not be such a turn on. I feel violated.
- More great books with even more wonderful authors. More books to read. More authors to work with. Oh, this one is one you think you can do? Sah-weet. See I told you I wasn’t as naughty as you originally thought this year. Score!
Have a wonderful year Santa and try not to work too hard on Christmas Eve. Pet Rudolph for me and if you have any extra treats left, throw some to the chickens on the way to my chimney. I’ll be waiting for Adam and Cillian to show up under my tree.
It’s unfortunate that I’ve not written a direct letter to you in quite some time. If memory serves, the last time I penned letter to you I was eight years old, just a young lad. I remember my sisters Ella, Molly and I gathered around the breakfast nook as we all wrote our “Dear Santa” letters.
Family Tradition was, the first Saturday in December Mom would make us sit and write our Christmas letters to you while she baked us cookies. While my letters to you as a young boy were a bit cleaner, this request is quite salacious.
This year I would like Holliday Prescott naked and wet in my bed for a full 24 hours. Just like TBS plays 24 hours of the movie, A Christmas Story, I want 24 hours of epic orgasms with Holliday – her gorgeous lean body beautifully spread beneath me on designer satin sheets. I’m fucking hard as stone with that visual in mind. Now that I think about it, I probably don’t even need your help with that request.
Okay, new request. I shall take care of My Beauty’s every sexual desire if you could just bring me a few bottles of Midleton Very Rare Irish Whiskey. Oh, one more thing pop over and pick up a bottle of Vivienne Westwood’s Boudoir perfume, because that is the only thing I want Holliday wearing on Christmas day – aside from the platinum and diamond necklace I’m going to gift her with from Tiffany’s.
That should suffice. Happy Christmas you jolly tosser!
What can I ask if not for the usual: Shoes, chocolates and books in any amount… Oh and also if you want to exchange my husband for Daniel Brightmore or Mitchel Knight I’m all for it. Just saying 😉
Okay, let’s be real here. I don’t think I can ask for anything for myself this year. Since I’ve been Mom of the Year, let’s point the Top 10 awesome things I’ve done for the kids.
1. I’m pretty sure I’ve moved the Elf on the Shelf at least once this season
2. I made sugar cookies for my kids and their friends, but when they ran outside, I may or may not have eaten like half the dough. But hey! Still! Sugar cookies! Am I right?
3. I may be wearing yesterday’s yoga pants, but the kids have clean clothes.
4. I’ve convinced the 10 year old that Target’s $20 version of the American Girl Doll is exactly the same!
5. I’ve trained the kids to leave mommy alone when the wine bottle is out. This is a win for everyone involved. Trust me.
6. I’ve gone to parent teacher conferences with baby spit-up on my shirt and not cared. I’m at that point of the year. But hey! I made it to the meeting, right? Points for effort!
7. I bumped my tolerance for coffee up to a whole pot now, so maybe for Christmas you should bring more coffee. This is really a gift for everyone else. I’m not a very nice person without coffee. Think of it as a public service.
8. We went to go see you in the Mall yesterday, but the wait was 2 hours long, so we wandered around the mall instead and I promised we’d go early today. We may or may not have slept in this morning. Oops. But hey, we did see you!
9. When my daughter had a diorama due the next day, because Of Course it was the next day. Heaven forbid we use the whole 2 weeks to prepare! I tore apart one of the baby’s toys to use parts and pieces, but she’s not old enough to know the difference yet. But still, eldest got an A- so that’s good momming right there, right?
10. And of course, writing. I’ve gotten 2 short stories out this year, all written by the light of the silvery moon, because I givemy little stinkers, er, angels, all of my free time. And hey, giving up precious sleep is totally the epitome of momming!
So, Dear Santa, see all of my sacrifices? Since I’m not asking for anything for myself (except coffee, which we’ve already established is really a gift to the world. Think of the children!), let’s hook up the kids this year! And maybe don’t get mad if I switch the gift tags with the from Mommy, instead of From Santa.
I’ve got a heroine with just one wish. What do you get the girl who holds the stars in the palm of her hand? The one man on earth who can put those stars in her eyes, and pull her head out of the clouds to bring her down to earth with his kiss.
There’s just the problem of a tiny little white lie.
Celeste means well, she really does, but if she keeps going this way she’s going to go straight from the nice list to naughty. Not that she minds getting a little naughty with Ion, but if wishing on stars won’t get her what she needs, maybe you can help her out with a little Christmas wish that she’s afraid to even want. She’s trying so hard to be there for her family, trying so hard to make her dreams work and find a job in a career she loves, that she never really takes time for herself. I worry about her, honestly. I know, it’s my job as her creator. You come to love these characters like they’re friends, you know? But that means I want the best for her, and for Ion. Celeste is an amazingly brilliant woman, not to mention sweet, funny, and the sexiest geek on the planet–but sometimes she’s so caught up in her worries that she can’t see her wish hanging right there in front of her, just within her grasp.
Then there’s Ion’s little sister, Zoraya. Now, if this Christmas wish list isn’t getting too long, well…she needs a little help. And by “she” I really mean “he,” because that damned Evan needs to get his head out of his arse and stop saying the wrong things. Half the time he’s turning her upside down with every touch; half the time he’s making her see red. The man is a grade-A arrogant, domineering arsehole. There’s hope for him, but for the sake of Zoraya’s sanity, I think for Christmas he could use a little nudge toward figuring out that maybe, just maybe, if he could stop being a dick and start being himself, he might have a chance for something amazing.
I suppose I could add a third item to this list for me. But right now? I’m doing pretty great. I’ve got wonderful friends, amazingly supportive readers, and the love of someone very special (even if the brat likes pulling my hair just a little too much). But hey, if you could point me toward an instant cure for writer’s block…I mean…I’m just saying. The world would be a better place.
Or at the very least, I’d be drinking a lot less bourbon.
…no, no I wouldn’t.
So let’s be honest. I’ve been really good this year, I mean better than good. I’ve been great! There was that one time that I lit a few vamps on fire but they deserved it so lets not punish a good dead, am I right?
I’m dying for a new leather jacket. My last one may have been ruined during a lack of control, again not my fault, and I’d really love a new one. Since you happen to be amazing and powerful I figure a simple black, genuine leather bomber jacket would be an easy christmas wish to fulfill.
I have been really good. Did I mention I’ve been great this year? Especially compared to last year when I lit my neighbors apartment on fire.
Shoot, just ignore that. It was in the past, nothing to dwell on now.
Your favorite pyro, Aria
Yes, I’ve been naughty. Very naughty. I spent the year writing naughty stories. I say bad words a lot. I drank quite a bit of wine and probably spent too much money on shoes. But if you can overlook those things, here is what I’d like for Christmas:Equality for everyone. No more racism and homophobia and prejudice. I want my Twitter feed to be full of rainbows and hearts, not violence and hatred. I want that everywhere, for everyone in the world.
I want everyone to read romance books, because love is the most important thing in the world. If you could slip a romance novel into everyone’s stocking, that would be lovely. (If some of them were my books, even better! But wait—don’t give mine to the kids—eighteen and over please.)
I want my adult children to leave home. Not because I’m tired of them, but because I love them. As adults they need to find their own way in the world, be responsible for themselves and learn from their mistakes. Even if they struggle a bit financially and I’m tempted to help them out, even if they have to go without things they want and I’m tempted to give them those things, or even if they end up in bad relationships and I’m tempted to interfere, they learn from those experiences, which make them strong, self-reliant and mature.
And last, if you have room in your sleigh, I’d like these sweet as hell Jimmy Choos:
I think I’ve been quite good this year. As you probably know, I fed two ducks who came into my garden in the summer and kept feeding them even when they ate all the frogs in my pond in return. Now it’s winter I’m feeding and watering the birds, and yes I do know they report back to you but that’s not why I’m feeding them, hand on heart. There’s really only one thing I want in return, which shows I’m not a greedy person – unless you count eating cake, but I’m guessing by your figure you understand the pleasure of cake too.
I want to spend a day learning to dance with Aljaz Skorjanec from Strictly Come Dancing. I chose him because he’s quite tall, like me, not because he’s incredibly handsome. I wouldn’t want you to think I’m that shallow. The only problem is that I have two left feet and I’m a tad too old to keep up with him. He can hopefully help with the two left feet but not my age, so as a small add-on I’d like a Dr Who style time machine which could then whisk me back to be about his age and maybe add some long, tousled blonde hair and a figure and face to die for too – for me, not Aljaz as he doesn’t need any help in that direction.
I’m quite sure you can do all this, but if people have been fibbing to me all these years and you can’t give people who’ve been good the first thing they want, I’ll settle for a Toffee Millionaire Cake that is clearly marked as being all for me. In return I’ll leave you out one of my racy novels – that should liven up Christmas Day for you and Mrs Claus, once you’ve recovered from your trip round the world.
Thank you very much, love
I wasn’t sure what to ask for this year, so I thought about it a long time. And I finally decided to be generous and ask for something for someone else. So, please, Santa, make my characters behave better. They’re all totally out of control, and they need to do better next year.
My main characters are clueless and stubborn and can’t see what’s obvious to everyone else. And sometimes they go on arguing endlessly with the person who they really want to passionately kiss. And sometimes they jump into bed without thinking through the potential complications. And sometimes they are so caught up in past pain and betrayal that they can’t move forward with the person who can truly make them happy. And sometimes they do really stupid things and have to spend a long time earning trust again. And sometimes they are so attracted to each other that it scares them, and so they try to talk themselves out of it.
Most of the time, they don’t say what they mean, they don’t say what they feel, and they don’t say what they want to say. Basically, their ability to communicate is totally screwed up. And sometimes they make the worst possible decisions and decide to leave the one they love instead of taking a risk and committing to a real relationship.
So, to summarize, they do everything possible to mess up being in love—which is a real problem because they all inhabit romance novels. So all I’m asking for, Santa, is that next year my characters will act like mature, rational adults who are in touch with their feelings so I won’t have to work so hard at getting them together. I’ve been (mostly) good this year and it’s in their best interests, so I hope you will consider this request.
I don’t usually take the time to ask for anything because I’m normally too damn busy to remember. But this year, since I’ve been an extra good (or extra naughty) girl (whichever works), I’m taking the time to make a list.
So here we go. This Christmas, I’d like to ask for:
– Race car driving lessons. I know, this one sounds weird, but I’m a total car nut, and it’s been my dream to learn to drive race car. If you happened to find your way to make these exotic supercars instead of stock cars, I wouldn’t complain. Not even a little bit.
– A beautiful fresh powder morning to get in some first tracks on a mountain. My skis are ready to rock, and all I need is the snow (and a cozy fire to sit in front of with a drink in my hand after I’m done skiing for the day). And if you’d like to teleport my two big brothers to that mountain so we can race like we did as kids, that would be THE BEST.
– Last, but certainly not least, blessings and all good things to be lavished upon my family and friends in 2015. I’m so lucky to have an amazing family and wonderful friends, and there’s nothing I’d like more than for each and every one of them to have a fabulous year.
Happy holidays and such,
I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how naughty I have been this year. I’ve done this on purpose because last year, when I was “nice”, you didn’t give me anything I had asked for. The reenactment of certain scenes from Kresley Cole’s The Professional, the liquor tolerance and restriction of excessive picture taking at RT14….none of it happened. Frankly, I’m not happy about that. Well, except for the pictures, you should see my scrapbook. It rocks.
So, for this year, as you know I’ve been extra naughty but I would still ask hoping you’ll give to naughty girls like me. I pretty much have everything I need but I would like to ask for more time to read good books. I know, I will not make it to my Reading Goal for this year. Next year, if I can beat that goal and read good quality books, I would be super happy. In return, I will work on being nice for 2015.
Angela (Under the Covers Book Blog)
1. Chris Hemsworth (although I amy accept any one of the Hemsworth brothers in a pinch) – He has to know we are soul mates by now…
2. The Shadows by JR Ward, if I could get that early, it would be fantastic…the Chris can read the naughty parts out for me…then we can act out all the best bits!
3. Calorie and fat free yet delicious chocolate would also be awesome, especially with the amount of chocolate sauce I plan to be using this year, Chris is such a naughty boy.
Thanks Santa! I expect my packages to arrive very soon!
Suz (Under the Covers Book Blog)
Read our Dear Santa letters from previous years!