We all love our romance here at Under the Covers, no matter what the sub-genre, so long as there is going to be some smooching and sexy times we are all over it. But, no matter how much we love something, that doesn’t make it perfect and in this Top Ten we are showing you the things that make us roll our eyes, hang our heads in shame and wring our hands like a dimwitted historical heroine.
He Put it Where?
Her moist cavern, tunnel of pleasure, tight/clenching passage, her flower, dripping woman hood…the list could continue! What is wrong with the word vagina, pussy, I will even accept the C word, why all these strange euphemism, that make women’s pussy’s (my favourite word for female genitalia!) sound like some kind of leaky passageway? Not sexy. Especially when someone is dripping and gushing all over the place, someone take the poor girl to the doctor!
Series that Never End
Have you even read a series, loved it to start with but you see book 22 is about to be released and all you feel is weary and you start wondering…when will it ever end? You can have too much of a good thing, especially when that good thing is stretched so thinly that you lose sight of what you loved in the first place. Of course, I am a complete hypocrite and am known to moan incessantly when a series I love is ending!
I hate love triangles. I have yet to read one where you didn’t know right from the start exactly who the heroine is going to chose. In the end it gets tiresome and I start a-wondering what is special about this girl that she gets two hot guys gasping after her, is her moist cavern tighter and clenchier than most?
I know a whole lot of people are going to gasp in horror at this one…but I can’t stand New Adult. If I wanted to listen to some over sensitive girl in her early twenties whine about her life I would just call my sister. New Adult rubs me up the wrong way every time!
Perfect Hero…Perfectly Boring
We are all in the romance reading business for one reason…the heroes. A good hero can make or break a book, even if the rest of the book is shite, if you Sexy McHunky made your knickers melt, chances are you will be recommending it to your friends. Surely there can’t be any more room in romance for another cookie cutter hero, with no distinguishing features, even his six pack and ginourmous cock can’t overshadow the fact that he has the personality of a cyborg (and not the sexy sci-fi romance ones either!)
Really, She DID That…TSTL heroines
OMG, did she just run AFTER the man with the gun, even though she has no defense against it and no weapon of her own. Yes, yes she did. Luckily the hero comes along just in time to save her *sigh* another TSTL heroine we haven’t been able to weed out the gene pool.
That Flimsy Flimsy Plot
This really really bugs me, when I start a romance book what I am after is a great love story, the first meeting…the first kiss….the first time they have dirty dirty monkey sex. What I don’t want is a convoluted plot with a mustache twirling villain whose identity I guessed in the first chapter and then spend the rest of the book questioning the hero and heroine’s intelligence as they seem unable to figure it out. Either have a good plot that enriches the story, or don’t have one at all.
The Mighty Virgin…
I praise all virgins in romance novels. If your male than your love stick is imbued with magical powers that some how allow you to give great sex, no awkward fumbling for you! And if you are female, then instead of the actual pain of having your hymen ripped away by your hero’s (usually huge) magical love stick, all you have is a little pinch, then a few minutes later, you are orgasming all over the place. Lucky bitch.
…And The Improbable Sex
Have you ever read a sex scene…and been a little confused? HOW did they do that without an extra arm/leg and still be within the laws of gravity? It all sounds a little painful to be, I figure if you have to train as a contortionist to have sex, not matter how magical Delicious O’Sexy’s huge love pole is, I will stick with my B.O.B., less mess and avoid any possible blood shed.
The Big Misunderstanding
This riles me up the most, I don’t mind a few words for pussy that remind of public transport, even if it is book 18 in a series featuring a magical virgin hero, so long as the whole book isn’t based on a misunderstanding. So, you think the woman you love bats for the other team based on an offhand comment by the woman in questions mortal enemy…hmmm maybe have a grown up conversation with the heroine of your dreams rather than growing a pair of breasts and shaving twice a day to get her attention! Grrrr….!