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PUNISH ME (Some insight into punishment in BDSM)
For those who’ve read Game Misconduct, it should come as no surprise that Oriana’s younger sister, Silver Delgado, ends up needing to be punished several times during her own book. She’s a naughty naughty girl!
But the question might be: ‘Is it punishment, or funishment?’. The term funishment has been going around a lot lately and I can understand the appeal. If you enjoy being spanked, what’s more fun than being bent over and swatted while being told what a bad boy/girl you are?
The thing is, funishment has its place, and it’s up to the ‘Dominant’ or ‘Top’ to decide (along with some input from their ‘sub’ or ‘bottom’) whether funishment is appropriate either in the scene or in the relationship. I’m not quite sure where I stand with funishment, to be honest, because I’d rather just enjoy my spanking without pretending it’s something else! Lol!
For actual punishment, I feel very strongly that those with submissive needs can benefit from guidelines and consequences when they test their limits or trample right over them. The easiest way to explain this is by comparing it to jealousy. Which might sound weird, but hear me out. Some people see jealousy as a sign that their partner cares. That the relationship is a real commitment. Without signs of jealousy, they will feel less valued, as if they aren’t worth the emotion. They may act out in an effort to find a way to get the reaction they need.
Submissives—not all mind you, but some—need to feel Dominance in a very real way. Whether it’s during a scene or in day to day life, surrendering is something they crave. And they can’t pretend to surrender. They don’t want to fake giving up control.
The same goes for some Dominants. To them, there is something lacking in a scene if their partner only plays at submission. So a balance is found to satisfy both.
Some may feel a ‘good sub’ won’t test their Dom, but there is no one size fits all whether it be in a BDSM relationship or in any other kind. The power struggle can be stimulating. A Dom will test his subs limits to see how far she can go. A sub will do the same.
I’ve heard of maintenance spankings, of creative punishments that may not involve any impact at all. Orgasm torture, kneeling for long periods of time—I even heard one story about a mouthy sub being forced to hold a live goldfish in her mouth! The subs will tell you that they didn’t enjoy being punished, so you may ask why they let it happen.
The simplest answer? Because it was something they needed at the time.
What kinds of transgressions earn that kind of disciplining? Well, it could be anything really. Rules are often agreed upon between the couple, but sometimes it can be as simple as ‘You should know better’. Swearing at your Dom, for example, is an obvious one. And something you might not be able to help in any given situation. You may have ‘off time’ when you can call your Dom every name in the book, but I would be careful. He might recall those nasty insults the next time you’re helplessly bound and kneeling at his feet.
And this goes back to those limits. I would have a hard time respecting a Dom, or giving into a Dom, that let me get away with being a complete brat. Not to say I wouldn’t be a brat, but if I’m not one very sorry brat at the end of it all, I’ll feel like something’s missing. But the most important thing, to my mind, is knowing, once the punishment is served, that all is forgiven. Feeling that, even though I broke the rules, my man loves me anyway.
In the punishment scenes in Defensive Zone I felt it important that Silver be given that forgiveness. She might fight every step of the way, but her surrender, her efforts to improve herself, are worth something.
“Bad girl.” His eyes narrowed as he caught her chin and held it in a firm grasp. “I’ve slacked in training you. That. Ends. Now. I’m trying to be patient, pet, but stop testing me.”
There. His heart warmed as she lowered her eyes, showing the first sign of submission in a long time. Too long. He finally had her exactly where they both needed her to be.
Caressing her cheek with his fingertips, he moved away to open his bag and take out several ‘toys’. Some she would recognize. Others she wouldn’t. He spread them out on the table, then took a seat to let her take them in.
“We are going to try something—something I don’t do with most of the subs I’ve had because they know what they like and it ruins the effect of the punishment.” He reached out to play with her hair, loving the way she struggled not to lean into him as he did. Most women enjoyed having their hair petted and stroked. Silver was no exception. “I’ve noticed something about you. Much as you talk back and protest, once you understand the reason behind a punishment, you accept it. Your body still responds, but you’re truly sorry after. And not just because you’re sore.”
She glanced over her shoulder, eyes glistening. She was already sorry.
For a moment, he wanted to toss the punishment and just tell her all was forgiven. But that would teach her nothing and she had to understand that forgiveness came with accepting the punishment. She’s been denied that with Bower and he wondered if it wasn’t a trigger. Delgado didn’t seem the type to let an infraction go after doling out punishments. And if he was right, she needed to see Dean was always consistent with his discipline and his love.
“This is what you’re going to do.” He sat forward and held out his hand to the table. “You will either choose one of the implements I’ve provided, or, if you’d like, I will use my hand. Show me your choice. You will not speak. And once the punishment starts, you will not be able to. I mentioned the gag?”
Her tongue flicked over her top lip and she looked at the bit gag that lay at the far end of the table.
“Yes. That’s it. It should fit comfortably and prevent noises loud enough to bring the police. I got the leather straps in pink just for you.”
She barely managed not to give him another dirty look.
“Quick save, sweetheart. Now make your choice.”
It took her longer than he’d expected to choose. She fingered the tawse, flicked the strands of the flogger, and avoided the riding crop and his walking stick as though they were living things with sharp teeth. The paddle drew her attention for quite a bit. She traced the words embedded in the wood. Brat.
Shifted on her knees to face him, she wrapped her fingers around his wrist, brought his hand up to her mouth, and kissed his knuckles.
“My hand?” He held back a grin at her nod. For some reason her decision pleased him very much. He reached over and picked up the bit gag. “Open wide, my love.”
The soft silicone fit nicely in her mouth. Her nose wrinkled as she got used to the sensation. The pale pink, leather straps looked lovely against her pale cheeks. He did up the buckle, then slid back a little and patted his thigh. She rose gracefully, her expression . . . peaceful. As she laid herself over his lap, he stroked her back, reminding her that, even though this would hurt, he still cared about her. Deeply.
“Brace yourself, love.”
* * * *
If you haven’t read the first Dartmouth Cobras book,
Game Misconduct, it is on sale until May 31st for $0.99
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