Top Ten Cheesy Covers

Posted November 30, 2017 by Suzanne in Top Ten, Under the Covers / 9 Comments

It can’t be denied that I love a good cover, which seems ridiculous considering the fact that I read 99% of my books from my kindle and never look at the cover page and can’t display it like I can a paperback or hardback. And yet, I will still be seduced by a nice cover when perusing Amazon for my next read. However, it isn’t always the fabulous and beautiful covers that catch my attention, sometimes a cover looks so damn awful, so cheesy that I can’t resist picking it up and at least looking at the blurb. Today’s post, I am not going to bore you with a list of lovely – yet ultimately kind of boring – book covers. Instead I am going to wow you with some book covers so cheesy you’ll be tempted to put it on a cracker!

**DISCLAIMER – Some of these I have read (and will link to  my review) some of them I haven’t, but my commentary on the cover has nothing to do with the quality of the actual book itself…I am being purely superficial!**

**DISCLAIMER #2 – If you’re wondering where all those fabulous 80s and 90s romance covers (which I adore!) that you usually see are, I decided to use only more recent releases. Maybe I will do a separate list for the classics…**

Whenever I look at this cover I can’t help but think…sword safety. It looks like he’s got an itch right at that difficult reach part of his back and he though “Aha!” and decided to use his might sword to hit the spot. Pretty the hero may be…but this cover makes me think he keeps his brain in that mighty sword of his.

Top Ten Cheesy Covers
Highland Dragon Warrior
by Isabel Cooper


Released: September 5th 2017
Series: Dawn of the Highland Warrior #1
Published by Sourcebooks Casablanca
Genres: Paranormal Romance
 

Legend claims
When Scotland fell to English rule
The Highland dragons took a vow:
Freedom at any price.

The war may be over, but so long as English magic controls the Highlands, not even a dragon laird can keep his clan safe. What Cathal MacAlasdair needs is a warrior fierce enough to risk everything, yet gifted enough to outwit an enemy more monster than man.

What he needs is Sophia.

Alchemist Sophia Metzger traveled to Loch Arach in search of knowledge. She never dreamed she'd learn to do battle, ride through the stars on the back of a dragon, or catch the eye of a Highland laird. But as her quest turns to sizzling chemistry and inescapable danger, she'll soon discover the thrill of being caught in a dragon's claws...

Now, I LOVE J.R. Ward, but this cover; why is her accountant walking through the rain? I don’t get it. He does look like he’s thinking pretty hard about something, I just hope it’s Ward’s taxes.

Top Ten Cheesy Covers
The Thief
by J.R. Ward


Released: April 3rd 2018
Series: Black Dagger Brotherhood #16
Genres: Paranormal Romance
 

New enemies rise from the shadows in the next novel of the New York Times bestselling paranormal romance series the Black Dagger Brotherhood.

Having allied themselves with the Band of Bastards, the Brotherhood is committed now more than ever to eradicating the Lessening Society. Recovering from their most recent battle against the last of the lessers, the Brotherhood comes to realize that the fight against their enemies is far from over. Throe, Xcor’s former second in command, is using an ancient tome to summon a new army engineered by a force more dangerous and evil than the Omega. And now the brothers of the Black Dagger Brotherhood will be tested both at home and on the battlefield.

 

I love a cowboy…I do…I especially love a topless cowboys with 6 packs but I can’t help wondering…why is he wandering around topless on such an overcast day? And where is his top? What did he do with it? Maybe that’s why he’s looking at the ground, he’s gone out looking for his missing shirt. Hmmm, I think I just figured out the plot of this book, lets just hope he and his shirt are reunited in a beautiful HEA. Actually, scratch that, he looks pretty damn good without it.

Top Ten Cheesy Covers

Released: August 15th 2017
Series: American Extreme Bull Riders Tour #6
Published by Tule Publishing
Genres: Contemporary Romance
 

Twice-buckled American Extreme Bull Riders tour world champion Kane Wilder is riding high at the top of his game, rolling in fame, adulation, women, and money. When he hits his hometown of Phoenix, he’s sure of another win. Nothing shakes his confidence and focus–until he comes face-to-face with his former friend and lover, Sky, holding the hand of a toddler with his eyes and trademarked dark curls and smile. Suddenly winning is about more than sticking his ride for eight seconds.

When one of her artworks is chosen for a world class hospital guild art auction, Sky Gordon thinks she’s finally going to make a name for herself artistically and cleanse her life and heart of Kane Wilder for good. But when Kane shows up at the gallery and learns the secret she’s kept, Sky realizes more’s at stake than just her pride and heart. Kane may be even more devastatingly sexy, but he doesn’t take no for an answer, and he plays to win at any cost.

Again, J.R. Ward has an entry her recent covers are wowing me in the wrong way. Now, as a fan of this series I’m left thinking, who the hell is the dude on the cover? The hero in this is white guy with a cleft palette!  So who is this bloke and why is he running round half naked in a lightning storm? These questions were not answered by reading the book. The whole thing is baffling.

Our Review

Top Ten Cheesy Covers
The Chosen
by J.R. Ward


Released: April 4h 2017
Series: Black Dagger Brotherhood #15
Published by Penguin
Genres: Paranormal Romance
 

A scorching forbidden love threatens to tear a rift through the Black Dagger Brotherhood in J. R. Ward’s newest novel in the #1 New York Times bestselling series.

Xcor, leader of the Band of Bastards, convicted of treason against the Blind King, is facing a brutal interrogation and torturous death at the hands of the Black Dagger Brotherhood. Yet after a life marked by cruelty and evil deeds, he accepts his soldier’s fate, his sole regret the loss of a sacred female who was never his: the Chosen Layla.

Layla alone knows the truth that will save Xcor’s life. But revealing his sacrifice and his hidden heritage will expose them both and destroy everything Layla holds dear—even her role of mother to her precious young. Torn between love and loyalty, she must summon the courage to stand up against the only family she has for the only man she will ever love. Yet even if Xcor is somehow granted a reprieve, he and Layla would have to confront a graver challenge: bridging the chasm that divides their worlds without paving the way for a future of even greater war, desolation, and death.

As a dangerous old enemy returns to Caldwell, and the identity of a new deity is revealed, nothing is certain or safe in the world of the Black Dagger Brotherhood, not even true love . . . or destinies that have long seemed set in stone.

This cover bothers me. It’s weird. I feel like the cover is a scene, as seen from the heroine’s eyes. Picture it. She’s just walked in to her room after a hard day and there’s a man whose just mussed up my bed covers and is now posing (badly) on my bed. It’s like a creepy hen party surprise, I see this cover and hear the faint strains of “You can leave your hat on” in the background…

Our Review

Top Ten Cheesy Covers
It's Hard Out Here for a Duke
by Maya Rodale


Released: November 28th 2017
Series: Keeping Up with the Cavendishes #4
Published by Avon
Genres: Historical Romance
Pages: 384
 

Some Mistakes…

When American-born James Cavendish arrives in London tomorrow, he’ll become the Duke of Durham. Some might be ecstatic at the opportunity. Not James. He’s a simple man, fond of simple pleasures. And right now, nothing could be more pleasurable than spending his last night of freedom with a beautiful stranger.

Are Far Too Good…

One wild night, Meredith Green, companion to the dowager Duchess of Durham, said yes to a man she thought she’d never see again. Suddenly, they’re living under the same roof, where Meredith is expected to teach James how to be a duke—while trying not to surrender to temptation a second time.

To Be Forgotten

For a duke and a commoner, marriage would be pure scandal. Yet nothing has ever felt as right as having Meredith in his arms…and in his bed. Soon he must choose—between a duty he never desired, and a woman he longs for, body and soul…

In all honestly, I had a whole smorgasbord of choice with M.K. Eidem’s books. I would like to clarify, that I actually adore all of her books and part of the charm is the awful covers, they make me smile. You may have noticed that I like weird and cheesy covers that tell me a story. In this cover, I can’t help but think that the guy looks terrified. It could be because he looks like he’s stuck in some hell dimension and has ripped his top off in terror…but in my mind, it’s a mouse. He’s staring terrified at the ground and preparing to jump on the nearest high surface to escape. The reason he’s taking his shirt off…to wipe those tears away.

Our Review

Top Ten Cheesy Covers
Kirall's Kiss
by M.K. Eidem


Released: April 12th 2016
Published by Smashwords Edition
Genres: Sci Fi
 

Kirall was desperate. He was a Black Prime Dragoon, the strongest and fiercest of his kind. He was returning home after defeating the Varana when a small planet's moon triggered his Joining Heat. It shouldn't have been possible.

He was right.

Autumn was desperate. She was human, female and struggling to survive. At twenty-two she was barely making ends meet. It's why she agreed to impersonate her roommate as a waitress for the weekend at a private party. She believed the money would change her life.

She was right.

Two unlikely people are brought together because of desperation. If they can find a way past the deceptions that brought them together, they will change not only each other, but possibly the Universe as well.

There are a few things about this cover. One, is he wearing a wig? Has his blonde locks been photoshopped on? His hair bothers me. Then there is the weird purple fog that appears to have disintegrated his legs, no wonder he looks so sad.

Our Review

Top Ten Cheesy Covers
Bring the Heat
by G.A. Aiken


Released: August 29th 2017
Series: Dragon Kin #9
Published by Zebra
Genres: Paranormal Romance
 

HE SAYS . . .
I, Aidan the Divine, am . . . well, divine. My name was given to me by the Dragon Queen herself! I’m a delight! Cheerful. Charming. And a mighty warrior who is extremely handsome, with a very large and well-hidden hoard of gold. I am also royal-born, despite the fact that most in my family are horrendous beings who don’t deserve to live. And yet, Branwen the Awful—a low-born, no less—either tells me to shut up or, worse, ignores me completely.

SHE SAYS . . .
I’ll admit, I ignore Aidan the Divine because it annoys him. A lot. But we have so much to do right now, I can’t worry about why he keeps staring at me, or why he always sits so close, or why he keeps looking at me like he’s thinking about kissing me. We have our nations to save and no time for such bloody foolishness . . . no matter how good Aidan looks or how long his spiked tail is. Because if we’re going to win this war before it destroys everything we love, we’ll have to face our enemies together, side by side and without distractions. But if we make it out alive, who knows what the future will hold . . .

This guy. What a douche. There are a few reasons, the first one and the one that drives me insane; he’s wearing sunglasses at night. I bet he wears them inside as well. I hate that. He may (and does) have reasons but I my manners won’t get over the rudeness. However, if the sunglasses weren’t enough, he seems to have just stepped in the middle of the road and is just kind of standing there. Like a douche. Maybe if he took his sunglasses off he might be able to see where he’s going.

Our Review

Top Ten Cheesy Covers
Archangel's Viper
by Nalini Singh


Released: September 26th 2017
Series: Guild Hunter #10
Published by Berkley
Genres: Paranormal Romance
Pages: 400
 

Enter New York Times bestselling author Nalini Singh’s breathtakingly passionate Guild Hunter world with the story of a woman who isn’t a vampire or an angel…or human…

Once a broken girl known as Sorrow, Holly Chang now prowls the shadowy gray underground of the city for the angels. But it’s not her winged allies who make her a wanted woman—it’s the unknown power coursing through her veins. Brutalized by an insane archangel, she was left with the bloodlust of a vampire, the ability to mesmerize her prey, and a poisonous bite.

Now, someone has put a bounty on her head…

Venom is one of the Seven, Archangel Raphael’s private guard, and he’s as infuriating as he is seductive. A centuries-old vampire, his fangs dispense a poison deadlier than Holly’s. But even if Venom can protect Holly from those hunting her, he might not be able to save himself—because the strange, violent power inside Holly is awakening…

No one is safe.

I don’t even know where to start with this one. It’s like some B-Movie villains have stormed on to the cover and they’re either gonna start shooting or do some kind of dance number…

Top Ten Cheesy Covers
Pint-Sized Protector
by Eve Langlais


Released: October 12th 2017
Series: Bad Boy Inc. #2
Published by Self Published
Genres: Romantic Suspense
 

She might be small but she'll still kick your ass.

An assignment to babysit a rich dude isn’t Kacy’s idea of a fun assignment. Especially since he and his bodyguard are just like all the other boys she knows, thinking she’s too tiny to pack a punch.


I’ll show him.


She’ll show him that sexy things come in small packages and he won’t be able to stop himself from falling for the pint-sized protector. Problem is, who’ll protect his heart?


When a gunman threatens her life, he wants to send her away, but her Latina pride won’t allow herself to be treated like anything less than a pro.


Will pride also stand in the way of her happiness?

 

Now, I LOVE Ruby Dixon, especially her Ice Planet Barbarian series and part of their charm? The covers. As time progresses romance covers are becoming more and more tasteful and I miss some old fashioned corny covers. Admittedly I doubt Dixon is doing this on purpose to satisfy my need for something to chuckle at; however, I imagine finding pictures of blue aliens with tails and horns is pretty difficult. This particular cover is my favourite, although they all make me smile. It’s alien Fabio! With the requisite half naked female at his feet, staring at his adoringly. Perfection.

Our Review

Top Ten Cheesy Covers
Barbarian's Taming
by Ruby Dixon


Released: 31 August 2016
Series: Ice Planet Barbarians #8
Published by Createspace
Genres: Sci Fi
 

As a newcomer to the alien tribe, I've struggled to find my place. It might be because I'm a tad headstrong at times. And yes, I might have thrown a few things at people's heads. But I had a good reason to pitch a fit - my shy sister was stolen away right under my nose. Of course, now she's back and mated. Everyone's happy...except me.

I need...affection.
Attention.
Okay, I'm lonely. Really lonely.

Strangely enough, the only person that I think understands what I'm going through is the same blue-skinned brute that stole my sister. It's wrong to hook up with him, even as a mindless fling.

Except...I'm not so good with the whole 'rules' thing.
And he's not so great with the 'fling' thing.

What are your favourite cheesy covers?

 

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Suzanne

Blogger/Reviewer at Under the Covers Book Blog
Gosh, we all seem to be admitting our ages…and I hate that I am at the point in life when admitting my age is a “thing”…whodda thunk it? I was kind of hoping I would remain 21 forever. However, I have moved out of that New Adult stage of my life and am now strictly in the Contemporary Romance age zone of 28. I would prefer to be in an Urban Fantasy arena, but I don’t think I own enough black leather. However, I could probably squeeze into some PNR, I am fully prepared to give a horn job to my favourite demon, or suck on my sexy vamps…fangs and I am definitely up for some heavy petting with some fine looking shifters. Than again their’s always Sci Fi…I am fully prepared to do the right thing and help some poor alien race with more 6 packs than a supermarket repopulate their planet. Not that I am loose woman or anything.

Annnnnd I will stop myself there, before I start waxing lyrical about my love of historical romance and fantasy as well; no one needs to know about my elf fantasies. As you can tell, I adore and day dream about most romance genres, and my three big loves are 1) reading about romance 2) writing about romance and 3) talking about romance with my gals. Which, is why I love Under the Covers so much, I get all my bookish needs satisfied and don’t get judged when I talk about my favourite characters like they are real people. Which they are right?
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9 responses to “Top Ten Cheesy Covers

  1. Amy R

    I find a lot of the older books published by Dreamspinner Press and Riptide have covers that are very cheesy.

  2. I love your blurb on each of these covers lmao suzanne!! I don’t know if you’re seen any of the book covers written by cover model Fabio,he was one of the hottest book models of the 80’s and 90’s! But then he decided to write his own romance books.don’t get me wrong they were good but the cover for Comanche, cheesy as hell. Another cover that I almost passed over reading was Christopher Moore’s Bite Me. The book was a funny great read. Shared on all my socials!

  3. Cynthia N

    These are great! Yep, even today covers are done poorly. And what’s up with the covers on the Warden’s books?!? They are going from bad to worse.

  4. Jennifer Schaber

    I haven’t laughed like that in a while. I love your mind’s eye descriptions.
    Wicked Sexy by J.T. Geissinger – Dude’s got a badge on his belt, but he’s not a cop. Plus, a gun in the front of his jeans just makes me panic that he’s gonna shoot his junk and have to be celibate forever. Add to that the background…there isn’t one. It’s like a straight up studio shot/grey screen. I love her books, but this cover had me shaking my head.

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